The Power of Counseling for Parents

When you have a child with a disability or special health care needs, you might have times when the word “stressful” isn’t enough to describe your life. You advocate for your child. You take care of them. You try to find a diagnosis. And then, when you think you have things mostly under control, there’s some new and unexpected issue that comes up.

In the middle of all this, it might be hard to know what to feel. You might feel sad, mad, frustrated, proud, and happy all at the same time. You might be going through a cycle of feelings as you’re grieving and adapting to life. And when you’re busy taking care of your child and your family, it’s hard to have time to breathe, let alone sort through your feelings.

But self-care is important, including your mental health. Over time, your feelings and worries about your child can get very heavy if you are carrying the full weight of them by yourself. You might have less energy left to do things like talk with your child’s teacher, make an important doctor’s appointment, or just be patient with your child.

That’s where counseling can help. It’s a way to let go of some of that emotional weight.
 

Who Do I Go to for Counseling?

Sometimes counseling happens in informal ways like:

• Talking about feelings with a spouse or trusted friend.
• Getting help from your child’s doctor to understand a diagnosis.
• Connecting with other parents who also have children with disabilities or special health care needs—online or in person. Texas Parent-to-Parent offers free parent support.
• Someone who gives you spiritual support.

You might also want to see a professional counselor or therapist. Here are some of the people you might see for professional counseling:

• A licensed psychologist
• A licensed professional counselor (LPC)
• A licensed clinical social worker (LCSW)

All of these professionals have general counseling training to help people, and some might have special training too. A therapist or counselor with a background in health psychology might be an especially good fit for you. Health psychology looks at the way health concerns or conditions, thoughts, feelings, and life situations all affect each other. So a health psychologist is someone trained to help you understand how you feel about your child’s disability and help you take better care of yourself. The American Psychological Association has a web page on health psychology where you can read more.

Counseling Stigma

Some people think there is a stigma attached to getting counseling. A stigma is the belief that other people might think badly of you because you need or want counseling. Maybe you’re worried that getting counseling says that you are broken or weak and need to be fixed. But counseling is really a way to get stronger.

Think about some of the therapies that your child might get, like physical, occupational, or speech therapy. They’re not about “fixing” your child. They’re about helping them build skills in areas where they’re not developing them on their own.

Counseling does the same thing for your mind and feelings. It helps you build skills to be emotionally stronger.

How Do I Know if I Should Get Counseling?

There are times when you might want to talk to a counselor for a simple emotional tune-up. Other times you might want to deal with a more specific issue. Here are some life events when you, as a parent of a child with a disability or special health care needs, might get counseling:

• Your child is first diagnosed.
• You don’t know what to do next to help your child.
• You and your spouse are having trouble agreeing on how to take care of your child.
• Your child is having mental and behavioral health challenges. These can affect your whole family. So, you, your spouse, and your other children might want to each get counseling in addition to your child’s treatment.
• Anytime you need help in the process of grieving and adapting.

And there are times when it’s even more important that you get some help. Here are some signs:

• You just don’t feel like yourself. Maybe you don’t want to do the things you usually do—like seeing friends, working, or your favorite hobbies.
• You feel overly afraid, anxious, or worried.
• You’re losing sleep or having nightmares.
• You’re losing or gaining a lot of weight.
• You keep feeling depressed, sad, or irritable. Maybe you’re having a lot of bad moods or mood swings.
• You want to die, have thoughts of death, or are talking about suicide.
• Other people who know you tell you they’re concerned.

How to Find and Pay for Counseling

Some counselors work for clinics or programs; others work for themselves or in small counseling offices. Here are some ways to find and pay for a professional counselor:

• Ask your doctor, friends, or other parents for the names of counselors they know and like.
• Health insurance programs must cover mental health services like counseling. Call your insurance company or visit their website to find providers who take your insurance.
• Some companies offer their employees free counseling through an employee assistance program (EAP). Ask your human resources contact if your employer has this program.
• Call 2-1-1 or visit the 2-1-1 website and ask to be connected to your local mental health authority. Your local mental health authority is a public clinic where you can get mental health services.
• NeedyMeds has a list of free, low-cost, or sliding scale health care clinics in Texas. Many of them offer mental health services.
• Search online for a low-cost counseling service near you.
• Search for a service where you can get counseling from a licensed professional online or by phone called telehealth. Many of these charge less than an in-person service would and might work better for your schedule. E-counseling.com has reviews of online therapy providers.
• If you find a counselor who you like, but you can’t afford them or they don’t take your insurance, ask if you can pay on a sliding scale. Many counselors are able to do this.
• Our page on finding mental health resources for children has ideas that might also help you too.