Can Dad do it?
The time will come when you can't be in two places at once and you have to rely on someone else to handle things. I know it's scary, I've been there.
All the information is in my head—all the eating times, what to eat, even how they eat—everything. I have memorized all of it forwards and backwards and in between.
I can tell you everything about my child in my sleep, but does Dad know those things? Usually he doesn't. It's not his fault, and he would offer to help but generally life is so busy I would smile and say "That's okay, I got it." Not because I didn't want the help, but it took longer to explain than it did to just do it myself.
I didn't realize at the time, but I was doing both of us a great disservice. There came a point when his health took a turn and it made more sense for me to go back to work and for him to stay home with the kids.
We were both in for a lesson.
I had to learn to let go—trust that he would figure it out the same way as I did. It turns out that even though he does have a different way of doing things, he does okay. Sure, it's not how I would do it. It took me a long time to realize that it wasn't the wrong way so much as it was his way, but the kids got taken care of and nobody was bleeding by the time I got home.
The house looked like a tornado had torn through it, but things could be put back together within an hour or so.
It also let him see just what all I did all day and we formed a new appreciation for one another.
So, give Dad a chance. Let him fly solo once in a while. It's good for you all. Leave him a list and a number to reach you at in case of emergency.
You might be surprised at how great of a job he really does.
There’s a great video on this website created by dads for dads.
Presuming competence means assuming a child with a disability can understand just like anyone else. It means that you don't underestimate the child. Here's why this matters so much.
Here is one mom’s story about the personal changes she made to become an advocate for their child.