Recognizing Cues in Older Children

As parents of kids with disabilities, we know our children’s cues for needing something. We can also teach others how to read our kid’s signs. But some folks have certain expectations based on the child’s age, and our kids might not meet those expectations, especially if they have a hidden disability. What some see as “bad” behavior may be signaling a need. We must figure out what that need is. 

When my son was younger, he would get very antsy when he needed to use the restroom. He acted out. Nothing was right. He became very anxious. Once I realized this was one of his cues, I could help. I taught him to recognize what was happening in his body and what he needed to do to relieve his discomfort. 

Some of our kids, especially the sensory seekers, don’t get an obvious message cue until they are very uncomfortable. A cue such as “bladder full = visit restroom” takes a lot of sensory input. It’s the same with other body cues: hunger, thirst, boredom, exhaustion, etc. 

I often think anxiety and fear have been the basis of many of my child’s difficult behaviors. When he began school, I had nearly daily calls about his acting out. I explained that if he had one person to be his safe person — someone who knew his cues — they could turn things around. 

And that’s exactly what they did. His behavior greatly improved. His safe person learned his cues and how to help him. We are very lucky that our school is so responsive.

Responding to the cues people exhibit helps us connect and bond. That’s exactly what we want for our children, to feel safe and cared for and connected.

This article has helpful information about ways to recognize visible and invisible disability cues.