Siblings of Children with Special Health Care Needs

It is important that siblings of children with disabilities know and understand their sibling’s diagnosis. For example, if your child has cerebral palsy, explain what that is. Let your children know how it can show in daily life that a child with cerebral palsy may take a little bit longer than other children to complete tasks. 

Parents need to be aware of what their neurotypical children might be feeling or thinking. Talk to your children so that they understand. Be open and honest. 

Help ease their worries. Clear up confusion. Kids who feel understood, loved and secure about their place in the family can thrive, and the bond between siblings can grow stronger too. 

Talking about disability and helping them understand is important. Because typical children will question siblings, sometimes kids don’t know and may make harsh remarks. 

Most siblings have at some point felt as if:

• Too much is expected of them
• They must be perfect to make life easier for their parents
• They shouldn’t express their feelings 
• Their problems are minimized
• They are isolated or invisible

Address sibling rivalry. Remind your typically developing children they have opportunities that their sibling does not. Fair does not always mean equal. 

Make family memories. Involve the entire family. Spending time together is key to forming bonds between siblings.

If your child is a teen:

• Set reasonable expectations. Certain tasks, such as babysitting their sibling, should be a choice. This will help teens feel they have control over how much they help. It decreases any resentment toward their sibling. It requires a backup plan if they choose not to babysit.
• Don’t ask for perfection. Set goals they can reach for schoolwork and extra-curricular activities.
• Foster safe teen exploration. Wanting more independence and experiencing more of the world is normal and healthy. Help your teen by setting safe limits on their exploration.

Dealing with strong emotions can be hard for neurotypical developing siblings. Some cope better, and others can be more sensitive and need more time to process. It is important they have healthy ways to work through their emotions. Support whatever their interests are. Some of the following tools can help with coping:

• Journaling
• Dancing or playing a musical instrument. Painting or other creative arts
• Playing any sport. Running, gymnastics or other physical sports. 

Be aware of changes in sleep routines, appetite or behavior. They could be signs of anxiety, depression or another problem. If this happens, get help from your child’s doctor or a mental health provider.

This page has more information on supporting siblings of children with disabilities.