Listening to Our Children: Lessons from a Broken Arm

The other day, I got a call from someone telling me that my son had fallen. The person on the phone said he was trying to get away from a bee and scratched himself. They had an ice pack on him. I wanted to hear what my son would say when I picked him up. My son is verbal, but he can be very hard to follow. When I saw him, he told me he fell. I looked at his arm and didn’t see any scratches. There were no bruises. He was holding his arm funny and complaining. 

I told him we’d ice it some more at home. I hoped resting it would make it better. Then getting in and out of the car was difficult. He wouldn’t bend his arm.

He was lying down in his room when I checked on him a few minutes later. He was struggling to get dressed after using the bathroom. I had to help him put clothes on. Something was clearly wrong, so a trip to the ER was necessary. I remembered the day he slipped on the playground in third grade. They had to mummy wrap him to look at his cut and put in five stitches. I was already feeling the post-traumatic stress.

When we got to the ER, he was complaining loudly. “You are not going to give me a shot, are you? I will not have to wear a sling, will I?” I was pleasantly surprised that everyone was patient with him. Though I had to rephrase most questions, the staff were respectful and waited for his answers. The chart of faces showing levels of pain was helpful because we had practiced them in the past.

When he went for an X-ray, they brought him a sling to wear. He was nervous but allowed them to put it on. I could tell it felt better. Two and a half hours later, we found out he had a broken shoulder. 

Some people may not understand how someone with a disability copes with pain or discomfort. So as parents, we must listen to our children’s words and actions.

I offer the following suggestions for any parent:

1. Teach your child the pain scale, 0-10 or 0-5 with 10 or five being the worst pain. And if you ask your child what they feel, believe them. We had practiced this previously.
2. Slow down and listen with your body. I didn't ask my son questions. Instead, I watched his facial expressions and the way he held himself.

Listening to my son made all the difference. Treat people with disabilities with dignity and respect. We would want the same for ourselves.

There are many more great tips on the Family Support page on this website.