Hero and Zero

Life is funny and can sometimes come full circle. I live in a small town. I have a child who is medically complex. I must drive to the nearest city for her medical appointments. That city has the nearest major children’s hospital. All of her medical specialists work out of this hospital.

The other night, I learned a big lesson about empathy. About close-knit communities and how the same experience can be different for each family. I am a part of that community. We are families with children who have disabilities.

The other night, I went out to dinner with a few other moms who also have children with disabilities. Earlier that same day, I had taken my child to a new specialist and it had been a bad experience. I did not like the new doctor at all. As a matter of fact, I felt judged by the new doctor. I felt like there was no benefit in continuing a relationship with this doctor. So, at dinner, I was venting to my friends when I accidentally said the doctor’s name.

I usually try to never mention names when out in public. Although I made the mistake, I ended up learning a great deal from it.

This doctor rated a big zero for my family and that is all I could see. One of my friends heard the doctor’s name and her face lit up. She became very excited and animated as she told her story and experience.

She explained that when no other doctor would listen to her concerns, this one did. And because the doctor listened, they were able to catch a serious illness in time. Had it continued without treatment, her child would have died. So, to her family,

Life is funny and can sometimes come full circle. I live in a small town. I have a child who is medically complex. I must drive to the nearest city for her medical appointments. That city has the nearest major children’s hospital. All of her medical specialists work out of this hospital.

The other night, I learned a big lesson about empathy. About close knit communities and how the same experience can be different for each family. I am a part of that community. We are families with children who have disabilities.

The other night, I went out to dinner with a few other moms who also have children with disabilities. Earlier that same day, I had taken my child to a new specialist and it had been a bad experience. I did not like the new doctor at all. As a matter of fact, I felt judged by the new doctor. I felt like there was no benefit in continuing a relationship with this doctor. So, at dinner I was venting to my friends when I accidently said the doctor’s name.

I usually try to never mention names when out in public. Although I made the mistake, I ended up learning a great deal from it.

This doctor rated a big zero for my family and that is all I could see. One of my friends heard the doctor’s name and her face lit up. She became very excited and animated as she told her story and experience.

She explained that when no other doctor would listen to her concerns, this one did. And because the doctor listened, they were able to catch a serious illness in time. Had it continued without treatment, her child would have died. So, to her family this doctor was a hero!

I learned a big lesson that day. Some doctors may be one family’s zero, but another family’s hero. I am much more aware of that and other people’s feelings now. Just because the doctor was not a good fit for us, does not make that doctor bad - just not right for us.

Many times a doctor doesn’t “fit” with a family due to the way they deliver information. Explaining how you want news delivered and knowing how to talk to your Doctor can be helpful. You may also want to explore a medical home treatment model for your child.

this doctor was a hero!

I learned a big lesson that day. Some doctors may be one family’s zero, but another family’s hero. I am much more aware of that and other people’s feelings now. Just because the doctor was not a good fit for us, does not make that doctor bad - just not right for us.

Many times a doctor doesn’t “fit” with a family due to the way they deliver information. Explaining how you want news delivered and knowing how to talk to your Doctor can be helpful. You may also want to explore a medical home treatment model for your child.