I’m Not a Clown!

I’m not a clown! This isn’t my circus and those are not my monkeys! I know all this because I can’t juggle!

Every time I think I’ve got my life’s many moving parts synced in a perfect circle, easily catching each one before it falls, something comes along and makes all those perfectly moving parts crash to the ground.  

This week it was an unexpected illness that crashed everything. When you are knee deep in life you can begin to feel like YOU are the only one that can keep the world spinning—at least that is what it felt like at the time. But, when I stepped back and looked, I never was juggling all of this alone.

When the first ball dropped, I started to panic, thinking Oh no, this is not happening! I cannot do this! However, l took a step back and saw that yes, my world was still spinning. But I needed some help to keep the balls moving.  

The first person that helped me was our son’s attendant. I sent a text. “The world is ending. Can you work late tonight?” Ok, maybe the text was not that dramatic but it felt like it at the time.

Next was a call to the baby sitter. “Can you come early to get the girls from school?” Wow, suddenly as I started passing these pieces of life on to others in my life, things started to settle for me.

The next day, the illness was still there, but I reached out to my co-workers. “Hey guys, I need your help.”  One more ball passed on. Again, my world is a little calmer. 

When I took a moment, and looked at all the things that I thought I had to juggle, I realized not only that I didn’t have to do it alone but some of the balls could be laid down for a bit. They could be picked back up later when the unexpected crisis was over. 

As I sit here and write this almost a week after the crash, I see that even if a ball was dropped the world didn’t end. Yes, my life looks like a circus and my kids sometimes act like silly monkeys. I do not, however, have to be a clown and learn to juggle! 

Find additional information on this website about Navigating Life with Your Child with Disabilities.