We Worry!

I marvel at my son’s ability to live multiple diagnoses: Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), autism, anxiety, oppositional defiant disorder (ODD) and learning disabilities. He's different, and it often shows. He struggles with his peers and is often on the receiving end of teasing. 

I know he feels like he's not as “good” as his peers. It doesn’t matter what it is, like school, sports or making friends. He tells me this regularly. It’s heartbreaking and makes me wish for a kinder world. 

He loves baseball. He's just finishing his third season in a recreational league. Unfortunately, most coaches aren't trained or experienced in working with kids like my son. Coaches want results but they think yelling and punishment make a winning team. My son’s team has lost every game so far.  

The verbal bullying comes from his teammates, too. "You haven't done anything for our team!" “Why do you even bother to show up anyway?” I've watched his baseball skills regress as he spends time on the bench during every game. 

I try to advocate for him. Sometimes, especially with older kids, it can make things worse. I want to jump in, take over and say, "Coach, this is what you do if you want him to have fun and excel!" I can't, but I've sure shared my thoughts with this coach. 

I’m learning to navigate this new challenge, and so is my son. I try to measure my words carefully to be supportive and encouraging. I hear, “You’re my mom, of course you think I’m good!” While I feel dismissed, I’m glad he knows he can expect my love. 

I don’t know how to lessen the damage done to his self-esteem while trying to fit in and do things kids typically love to do. My worry list is long. I’m amazed by his resilience and strength, and how he just keeps showing up. 

There is a lesson for all of us here, I think. 

You can get ideas for dealing with every-day life on this website.