Longing for Sleep

My son, on average, wakes up 1-2 times a night. Sometimes I go check on him, sometimes I don't. But when he’s up, I’m up too. Then he manages to fall back asleep and gets a nap in the middle of the day. But for me, it’s a struggle to get back to sleep and I definitely don't get to take a nap while at work.

This wouldn't be a big deal if I wasn't required to be “on” immediately after leaving the house. The first thing I do is take my son to therapy where I have to give a pretty detailed description of his mood, sleeping behavior, and where he is (or at least my best guess) emotionally.

Then I head to work where I’m expected to be “on” for everyone I interact with. All of this while I’m operating on night after night of little sleep.

That’s something they definitely don't prepare you for. That’s a bit of information that doctors can't really tell you about when you get a diagnosis. They don't tell you that sleep is inconsistent at best, and nonexistent at worst.

The fascinating thing is that my son is so much better built to handle this than I am. He’ll be up all night and then be as charming as anything the next day. It’s almost as if when he smiles in the morning as I go to get him ready he’s basically saying, “Keep it up Dad, I’m fine, and you should be too.”

Sleep. Beautiful glorious sleep.

As with most things, I don't know if this is going to get better. I don't know if his sleep patterns are going to mellow out as he gets older. And as with most things, he’s fine and I have to adjust. I wouldn't change a single thing about him. And if I’m being honest, it does make me laugh when I see him sitting up and with a big smile at 3 a.m. Even if that means that I’m not going to get back to sleep.

Sleep. Beautiful glorious sleep.

Tonight, we’ll do the same dance we always do. He’ll fight me when I put him down. Then I’ll go check on him and he’ll be angelically sleeping away. Only to wake up at 3 a.m., laughing and saying, “Gotcha, Daddy! I made you look.” At which point in time, I’ll smile, put him back in bed, and shuffle my way back hoping to get some rest before we do it all over again.

Enjoy Shailen’s other blogs about raising his son.