Over 16 years, I have said it many times: "I wish I knew what my son knows, what he's thinking, his thoughts, his dreams." I can hear him laughing in the middle of the night and I have seen him with a tear in his eye as I tucked him into bed. And to this day, I have no clue what he thinks.
My biggest wish is that he knows how very loved he is. I want him to know, many years from now, that he was always wanted. He was always a priority, and as his parents, we did the very best we could. I want him to know that he is special to so many people.
I want him to know how much he makes me smile. If I could give him anything, I would give him the moon and the stars and take away the pain. I hope he knows he is the reason I wake up in the morning wanting to be a better mom. And even though I get frustrated, I still want to always be a better mom and give him the best of everything.
The thing that keeps me going with Jac is that he seems happy most of the time. He doesn't know he's different. He doesn't know when kids or adults make terrible, hateful comments. To me. That is the biggest blessing in our journey with Jac.
After 16 years, I have let the academic dreams dwindle and focus more on his happiness. I am also learning that we need to think about what his future will look like and how we can continue to give him the best there is.
I am not sure what Jac's little brain thinks about, but I do hope he knows that he is always on this momma's mind, 24/7.
I love you, Jac.
The Family Support pages provide lots of resource information and planning ideas for you and your child.