My husband Tim worked from home, and I was a full-time caregiver for our daughter Casey. So having just 1 vehicle worked great for us. We had actually been a 1-car couple for a few years before we had Casey. There may have been an occasion once or twice a year when we would have liked to have a second car, but not very often.
The day after Casey passed away, we had to go to the funeral home to make arrangements. Getting into her van without her and without having a nurse staying at the house to watch her was so painful. I hated being in the van without her. I told Tim that there were a lot of families who needed a van like ours and said we had to get rid of it. It was just too much for me. Thankfully, he agreed, and we sold the van.
At first, we just bought 1 car. We had had 1 car for so long that it seemed like all we should need. Without Casey at home, we both found ourselves needing the car a lot more than we had before. After a few months, we ended up getting a second car for Tim.
Most of the time, we take Tim’s truck if we are together but we both drive all over town fairly often in both cars.
I never expected to have such an emotional reaction to mileage on a car, but I do. As each of our cars passed the 1,000-mile mark, all I could think about was how those were miles without Casey. As the miles got into the 10,000’s, I didn’t want us to leave the house anymore. I wish we could stop adding miles. Now, not only do I see them as miles without her, but each mile feels like a mile further away from her.
I’ve never cared about cars or mileage at all. I never expected miles on our car to be a trigger like this.
Your brain does some wacky stuff when you are grieving.
After making the difficult decision to medicate your child, with time and on occasions, old symptoms return or new ones appear. Once again, you’re faced with what felt like an already-made decision - to medicate higher or more, or not.